The Lady and the Seer

PicMonkey Collage

A lady went to a seer to talk about the one she loved, whom she wasn’t with anymore. She said to the seer, “I miss him. I wonder if he misses me. I wonder if he’s coming back. I’m so depressed, I don’t know what to do with myself.”

The seer said “okay”, and looked away. Of course, that wasn’t a satisfactory response for the lady. 

She said “I miss him” and “I wonder if he’s coming back” again, hoping to get some sympathy, and maybe some insight into what the future held for her.

Then he replied, “I’m sure you do, I’m sure you wonder”.

“Well, do you have any advice for me?”, she said, after two minutes had passed, two heavy minutes that felt like 30.

“I don’t have any”, he said. “You choose to miss him, so allow yourself to miss him. Be true to yourself.” The he adds, “but ask yourself, how long are you going to do this for?”

She broke into tears, and he took a step back. 

“Who is in charge of you?” Who controls what happens up there?”, he asked, pointing to his head. 

“I do”, she replied.

“Who is in charge of your mind, your body, your self? Of course, missing him and letting yourself be miserable is what you’re choosing to do, what do you expect me to do, become you? Do you think I have any power over you? Do you think of yourself as a robot that has to be controlled by someone else to survive/function?”

She stopped crying and wiped her tears.

“If you want to choose to miss him, miss him. If you want to choose to be in denial, and wait for something that isn’t coming, wait. If you want to choose to move on and do something good with yourself, do it. It’s not my business or problem. You’re choosing to do something and asking me to help you stop. Ultimately, you get to choose whether or not you want to suffer, and if suffering is what you have chosen to do for this long, so be it. You’re a wonderful soul; don’t be so dense. Healing is a choice- choose it.”

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Bitter-Sweet

How can a yang be a yin?
How?
How can a thing that ought to heal, hurt?
How can a thing that ought to help you walk,
and better still,
give you wings,
keep you in chains,
and make you weak?
How?
How can a thing that ought to give you life
take your breath?
How can a feeling
be the opposite of itself,
when unrequited?
A thing so sweet and tender,
like a newborn baby,
but strong enough
to put you in a chokehold
when you least expect it?

Love, delicate and dangerous.

Dear Actress, Stop Playing “Girlfriend”

cropped-aderonkeeeeeeeI was recently discussing with one of my acquaintances on Instagram, and we, both being sensitive healers, knew what we were talking about in detail- we didn’t have to use too many words. Attracting “wounded”, “whoever you end up with will be lucky”, “I am forever indebted to you for all your help”, commitment-phobic men, isn’t one of the perks of being a natural helper/healer. It’s worse when you fall in love with your patient too, while waiting for them to heal and make up their mind about you soon. You keep being friends, but act like you are dating, without mutually agreeing to be friends with benefits, most times. Sisters, stop being so passive; the heartbreak, when reality sets in, would be so unbearable.

That a man is single and treats you like a girlfriend doesn’t make you his girlfriend. Look, I repeat, that a man is single, and treats you like a girlfriend, doesn’t make you his girlfriend. If a man wants to have phone sex or physical sex with you, send you kiss emojis or kiss you, if he wants to put you in charge of several things in his life, but suddenly withdraws and makes you feel like a huge pain in the neck when you (want to) ask about who you are to him, what’s really going on, or they go ahead to say you are a friend [and nothing more, in case you didn’t already figure that out], sis, that is not your future husband, snap out of it.

It is not your job to heal a man who has been heartbroken in the past; don’t be the sacrifical lamb for his healing. Consider the other people that seem to be in love with you; don’t tell yourself you are in a love relationship because you are not. This is funny to say though, because you are almost never in love with people who are seriously in love with you- we sometimes choose to act like we are, while hoping that we would come to love them as much as they love us at some point.

If you have been in this kind of situation, in the distant or recent past, don’t expect to stop loving him (or her) “that way” as soon as you choose to; it’s not going to happen. Be prepared to stick with it for as long as it takes. Turn your pain or frustration into art; it always helps. Write, sing, play, make new friends, learn how to play a musical instrument, try new things. Don’t shut your heart to love; if someone isn’t in love with you, if they aren’t interested in loving you like you want to be loved, PLEASE LET SOMEONE ELSE LOVE YOU! Don’t let this experience make you bitter and hard-hearted.

My Chiron and Pallas are conjunct my North Node in the 8th house, if you are into astrology, and it’s my destiny to deal with pain, death, transformation, and rebirth, and be a helper to others in whatever capacity that I choose. You may deal with a depression, or a depression of sorts, while still going about your business as usual, but don’t fight back the tears when you feel them coming, and don’t hesitate to help other people, if you are like me, as it aids your healing.

Also, if it’s your destiny, you’d attract people who are hurt, and whether or not you are completely healed and over it yourself, don’t doubt your ability to make people feel better. Love, when unrequited, is a killer, and it’s up to you to choose to be immortal. Light and love!

The Passover

He looked like every other angel of birth,
but he was an angel of death,
He looked like every other angel of berth,
but he was an angel of dearth.
He would make you moan in pleasure
so he could make you groan in pain.
I had been warned by his ex-prey,
and I was prepared to drive him insane.
I sprinkled the blood of his victims
on my door,
and in my eyes,
and in my ears,
and on my lips,
and on his head.
“You can’t kill me like you did them.
You have tried in vain, lame.”
He passed right over me,
and he never called me again.

Unre-QUIT-ed IX

Love is a Cave:
I am in love,
but I am in it alone,
I am not in love with you,
and it hurts me to the soul
each time you remind me
that I am in love,
but you are not in it with me.

Unre-QUIT-ed VIII

“I don’t feel the same way about you.”
“I don’t feel the same way…”
“I don’t feel the same…”
“I don’t feel…”

There you are!

Feeling all things and everything
so intensely about a person
in the deepest parts of your soul,
losing the strength to be alone,
trying really hard to be whole,
and they “don’t feel” any of it.

Nothing hurts more.

Unre-QUIT-ed VII

He never expressed it;
he imprisoned the love he had for me.
Sometimes, it would try to escape
through his mouth,
but he would swallow it again.
At other times,
it would try to escape through his hands,
but he would pull them back.
After a while, he could not
hide it from his eyes;
I could see the love in his eyes.
He would shut them tight and look away,
and when he looked back at me,
I would see the imprisoned love again-
begging for freedom,
asking for help,
screaming my name…

Unre-QUIT-ed VI

It’s hard to be the girl of your dreams
when you don’t even dream
with your eyes open.
Perhaps you do,
but you don’t share them with me
so that I can dream with you.
I have nothing to look forward to,
except many nights of wishing I did.

‘No Use’ is Abuse II

She used to miss him more
when they were together
than she does now.
His absence was difficult
to deal with when he was present;
it isn’t now.

Killer-Healer II

You asked if I could die with you
and I said “yes”.
You didn’t ask if I would;
you didn’t say you were a killer.

I should have known
you were already dead.
No one can possibly die with
someone who is already dead.

You didn’t say you would
get me addicted to your love
and then stop giving it to me.
You didn’t say much.