Transform Your Pain for Healing

death_the_lovers_temperance_lg

When we die- when a strong change befalls us, it’s up to us [choice] to struggle to find balance again. When we choose light, we become a light ourselves.

Remove the cover;
let your pains escape.
Mold them into words and music;
anything you might be inspired to make.
Let their flow lead you to be river;
take as long as you need to take.
Be willing to swim, let go and heal;
be open to new changes in shape.
Don’t cover;
choose to recover
for your very own sake.

You’ll be surprised at how creative you can become when you are angry, in pain, when everything within you just hurts. The high level of joy that whatever you make/achieve will bring to you if you choose to heal through it, by not just ignoring the pain but by expressing it, is immense. Find relief, satisfaction and happiness in/through (not despite) your agony.

Advertisements

Man and the Earth

Farm

Isn’t it a shame that
even the most successful farmers
are planted in the ground
when they die,
buried six-feet under,
like mere crops,
usually by able-bodied men
with very good digging abilities,
but they don’t grow back?

The earth gives us food
till we become her food.
Mother Earth feeds us today
and swallows us tomorrow.

The Present is the Past II

We let the past go
but it flaps its wings
and perches on us.
We leave the past behind
but it’s a fast runner;
it catches up with us.
So we kill the past,
but it never just lies there.
It almost never stays dead;
it crawls right back into bed,
bloody.

It’s not easy to let the past go. 
When you begin to date the Present and you bring it home, the Past might leave on its own accord, but it might break a few things in your heart first.

Be conscious of the decisions you make and the things you do in the present.

Regrets

When life serves me a plate
or two of happiness,
the me that was, yesterday,
the me that made all those mistakes,
possesses this new me and spits on my plate,
rendering it untouchable and useless.

How do I kill myself without dying?
How do I shoot a part of myself
without getting hurt,
without being in even more pain
than my past causes me every bloody time,
every single time I try to breathe?

How do I kill the me that
made all those mistakes,
the me that drags me into a pool of her
own blood each time she stabs herself?
How do I kill all these bad memories?

If I could kill that me,
I would.
I would blow her heart the fuck out
and keep her brain,
her brains,
all of the extra ones she got
by the time it got too late.
I would shoot her again and again
till my wrists ached,
till everything ached,
till everything healed
and I found relief and peace again,
but I can’t.

I hate them I’m already resting, but in imperfect peace.

I hate that I am resting in pieces.


FIND PEACE & HEALING:

Life will break and kill you
without taking your life;
so, rest in pieces,
but find that important piece of yourself again,
even when it’s hard to put yourself together.
Find peace when all is said and done;
life is full of chances,
seek another.

We die everyday to live.

I am Not a Savage

written-words-4-oil-on-paper-12-e1524982328435.jpg

Pretending not to have a soul
while desperately needing a soulmate.
Proudly stating that one is a savage,
and one does not have a heart,
while constantly feeling one’s heart ache.

Not being vulnerable is
what we consider honourable.

We become honourable,
yet not able,
not able to freely live,
not able to freely love.

We put ourselves in chains
because we don’t want to be slaves,
but by doing so,
we become slaves to ourselves.

It’s okay to address and discuss emotional issues, even if the events that now hurt you happened when you were two years old, and perhaps you tried to talk about it but you were told to shut your mouth. Proper healing is essential for good survival, because you deserve a good life. Even if you have two more weeks to live, do so with true peace in your mind. 

I recently had a conversation with my mum about an event that happened over a decade ago. “Mum, when I was like five, you flogged me for this and that reason, but this was what happened, if you’re ready to listen.” She did, and she apologized. Look, I am not a ‘savage’. I was hurting, and she needed to know, so that we could be true friends.

The thing about not addressing issues is, you might not just hurt yourself, you might hurt the people who love you, the people you love/will love in the future, consciously or unconsciously, in a bid to not get hurt again. Sometimes, you’ll get defensive when you don’t need to be.

Also, if you think you are going to hurt people by discussing the reason why you’re hurt then it’s necessary that you do so. “Dad, when I was three, this and this happened and you didn’t listen.” When you ‘destroy’ old structures built on lies, you’ll be surprised that they can be ‘rebuilt’ in 3 minutes when the foundation is placed on the truth. Maybe those old structures don’t even need to be rebuilt; maybe they need to be replaced with trees that give lots and lots of oxygen.

My point is, help yourself, or let someone else help you, if you’re hurting.

Give yourself closure.

Moving On

Nude Back

“Nude Back” by Michael Escoffery

I was devastated,
but more accurately, devastation was me.
I wasn’t happy,
and almost all of the time,
unhappiness clung very tightly to me.

I didn’t even feel that I was living,
that I was,
because I couldn’t feel,
and when I did, it hurt.

One minute, I thought,
“he left me,
so I’ll leave me too.”
The next, I thought,
“he dislikes me now,
so I’ll like me.
Who the hell needs him;
who?”

I’ll dislike all the things he likes.

He likes water,
so I’ll hate water.
He likes air,
so I’ll hate air.
He likes fire,
so I’ll hate fire.
He hates life,
so I’ll hate life.

The ‘only’ that truly like me,
water,
air,
fire
and life;
are the same things keep us alive.

How do you find peace
when a piece of you is gone?
How do you put yourself together
when you’re left in the cold to burn?

“Does he miss me?
Does he miss at feast,
or has he found a different Miss?
Is there a new Beauty for my Beast?”

You have a list of things you hope
he’ll remember and cherish at least.

It hurts;
it’s like an invisible stab to the chest.
It really hurts.

Moving on
and looking back;
moving back
and shedding tears.
Moving on
and looking back;
looking blank
and shedding fears.

That is how the broken have moved on,
for years and years.

Holy ‘Matcutony’

On this day of our Love,
on this day that La and Gbaja
have come together to slaughter “and”
without the use of their hands,
words will be spoken,
hearts will be broken,
eyes will fly open,
’cause their dead love is swollen.

Mistakes are for Retakes

First, you make mistakes,
then you let them make you.
You are not your mistakes;
pay no mind, if you begin to hear “boo”.
“Experience is the best teacher”;
that, in fact, is quite true.
Fall, then raise yourself back up,
there is nothing you can’t do.

I’M MISS TAKE, THE OLDEST TEACHER;
I TEACH HIM, AND I TEACH HER.
YOU BECOME YOUR BEST AS A CREATURE,
AND AS A CREATOR,
WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR
SCAR IS YOUR MOST-ATTRACTIVE FEATURE.

Fight for Your Life

Picking your life back up
and putting the broken pieces together
isn’t as easy as they make it seem.
There would be cuts
and there would be pain.
There would be tears to dry;
there would be stains.

But you will heal.
You will heal nicely
when the fight is over.