Loyalty is Not “Not Cheating”

loy·al·ty
ˈloiəltē/
noun
  1. the quality of being loyal to someone or something.
    “her loyalty to her husband of 34 years”
    • a strong feeling of support or allegiance.
      plural noun: loyalties
      “fights with in-laws are distressing because they cause divided loyalties

“I pledge to Nigeria my country. To be faithful, loyal…”

I am loyal to Nigeria but I am not in Her. I have not, and will never, renounce Her as my home country, or do anything to hurt Her, but again, I am not in Her. I’m going to use this as an analogy for what I’m about to discuss- the concept of loyalty in relationships.

The term “loyal” or “loyalty” doesn’t really do justice to what people expect in relationships, in the sense that, they expect their partner or significant other to show them firm and constant support- which is as far as the dictionary meaning of “loyalty” goes, but they do not expect that partner to show firm and constant support to anyone else that is marriageable (especially), whether or not the support their partner is offering involves activities that are sexual.

So, even if you feel your* lady is talking too much with a man, or your* man is spending too much time with a woman , whether or not it conflicts with the love that she has for you, how much he cares for you, and how fast her heart beats for you, the term that comes to your mind is “disloyalty”, although it really isn’t, in the sense that, nothing has changed about how much she or he is dedicated to the relationship that you share.

You can be loyal to a country you don’t live in. You can be loyal to a friend and still have other friends. You wouldn’t chat your friend’s private business to the other friend(s) or leave the first friendship, or withdraw your support, and that would be loyalty.

Family

I don’t know if you’re following me here, but what I’m saying is, there has to be a firmer word, something stricter than “loyalty” or “faithfulness”, because they do not insist that the qualities they contain have to be restricted to one person, and one person alone. 

Even “cheating” is meh, because a love relationship is not a game or an examination. It’s an (ideally) voluntary union of two people. They don’t get marks for it or win medals for it, so even the term “cheating” is “reaching”.

Now, before you think of me as the advocate of everything you detest, I am only stating that the words are not powerful enough to encompass the STRICT BINDING, which would be more accurate, that most people expect in relationships. Even asides religious and cultural expectations, does love come with sole possession? Does “I love you” automatically equal “I love only you” to you? What exactly is it that leads to hurt feelings when a third party is involved? My best guess is that when we get vulnerable, since true love (requited or not) makes us somewhat vulnerable, we want a kind of “ownership”, possession of sorts, to whoever it is we’ve gotten vulnerable with. 

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Unfuckwithable

She protected her inner world fiercely
like a lioness protecting her cubs.
She wore silence like a cloak,
and liked to cleverly observe.

They tried to take the ‘cloak’ off,
but she politely declined,
and when they tried to rip it off,
she terribly roared.

Wounded Healer III

Goddess of Forests

I’m shedding everyone’s tears
but I can’t shed my own.
I’ve got it all under control in public;
I’m a mess when I’m alone.
Pain has injected itself into me;
I can feel it bite through each bone.
I’m decaying on the inside,
but this body is not mine to disown.

My heart and soul are drowning,
and I can’t stretch my hands
to reach them through my throat.
They’ve absorbed too much;
they’re heavy,
but I can’t save them.
I can’t drain the tears and blood;
I can’t heal them.

So, I’ll shed my tears through my mouth.
I’ll cry with my hands and feet,
with my words,
and with my songs,
and with my dance,
till I feel my heartbeat.
I’ll shed my tears as sweat;
they can’t pass through my eyes just yet.

Love Business

High class

“I’ll give him one litre of love
because he only paid for one.”

“I won’t call her today because
she didn’t call me for two days.”

“He didn’t reply in five minutes
so I’ll delay my reply a little.”

They dealt in love,
and Love dealt with them.

Ups and Downs II

Good times don’t last 
because they stop being “good”
when they become normal.

For Writers IV: It Star-ts with You

It all star-ts with you.

It all star-ts when you choose to shine,
when the thing that your heart desires
is what you choose to do.

It all star-ts,
even if the first cheer
that you hear
is a “boo!”.

It all star-ts;
that’s the most important step
that it requires.

If Someone Says You Can’t Do It

If someone tells you
you can’t do something,
certain things might be involved:
It could be something
they think they can’t do,
something they haven’t done,
and since they doubt their own abilities,
they’d definitely doubt yours.

If it is something they can do,
or they have done,
they might be trying to protect you
from the coming challenges
because they were once like you;
they might have gone through some challenges
that they don’t want you to go through,
that they don’t think you are
capable enought to go through.

If none of the aforementioned apply,
they could be jealous of you
because what you want to do
is something they’ve not done,
something they can/want to do
but have not had the opportunity to.

JUST DO IT!

Beautiful

Beautiful

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
literally.
If you can sincerely find
someone or something else beautiful,
especially one that is often considered otherwise,
without an iota of doubt,
you are beautiful too.

Beautifool II

Isn’t it a crying shame, darling,
that you worry so much about being beautiful,
so much so that you don’t know how good it is to be.
You don’t enjoy the beauty of being,
and you don’t know what beauty is,
or perhaps you do,
you see the beauty in other people clearly,
but go blind when you see yourself.

Do you just see beauty,
or do you feel it?
Do you hear it?
Do you know it?

Inaction is the Right Action

pablo picasso

pablo picasso

Sometimes, all you have to do is nothing,
because if you do something,
everything you do will result
in what you should have done-
your actions will give you nothing.

You have to be patient enough to let things unfold on their own.

My mum bought lots of magic towels years ago. You would put them in water and watch them unfold/increase in size.

Many things are like magic towels. If you try to stretch them out or assist them in the way that they develop/turn out, you’ll “tear” (destroy) them, ruin the magic (and hurt yourself).

Get your bucket of water- do all that you think is right, sit, and be patient.