8 Steps to Moving On from a Union/Relationship

As a clairsentient tarot/oracle card-reader, I have told people to “please move on” from relationships that they needed to leave or accept their end, several times, without actually guiding them through how to. Based on my personal/non-personal experiences, it never works that way. One minute you’re like “yeah, of course, my mama didn’t raise a weakling, plus romantic relationships are for losers”, the next minute you’re listening to “insert heartbreak song”, crying yourself to sleep, if you can gather enough strength to.

Before I go into the 8 steps, as per the title, I came across a Mooji video and I would like to go over the lessons from it with you first:
a. You must not try to catch anyone, you are not a spider. If you are insecure, and you feel unworthy when you are all by yourself—if you don’t feel beautiful/intelligent/amazing until someone tells you you are—a love/romantic relationship is the very last thing you want to be in. Deal with those insecurities first. 
b.  Watch out for a tendency to cling. Relationships don’t work by trying to make them work. There must be freedom in a union; there is no need to “hold”/own anyone.
c. Inner strength, wisdom, and clarity are important qualities for anyone in a union. Without these things, nothing lasts, nothing is fully enjoyed.
d. Relationships are not meant to be secured/kept, they are to be enjoyed. Intension creates tension. When you are empty of any kind of need—to be approved of, to be loved by anyone—you find peace. When you are free/at peace within yourself, everything and everyone wants to be with you. Separate what you (think you) want from what you really need for your own self-development.

e. How much you’ve “invested” or given in a relationship doesn’t matter. It is not an insurance plan. Don’t make it one.

To move on from a relationship that no longer serves you, perhaps, one that never served you, or one that destroyed your self-esteem and hurt you much more than it provided healing and happiness to you, before/after you remove yourself from your head and your emotions, before/after separating yourself from the pain and hurt and removing yourself from the upheaval, these are things that you should consider:

1. Hope [please see the card below]: Be hopeful that there will always be something better- a better feeling, a better experience, true happiness. Trust that God/the universe will always bring what’s yours to you. Whether or not someone “better” than them comes into the picture is not the point; it is not something that you should worry about. Trust that if your heart did not fit in a particular person’s “compartment” (for long/forever), as much as you tried to shove it in, it can fit in someone else’s, and there will be no shoving, covering or “squeezing-in” necessary. However, trust that your heart is okay all by itself, it does not need to fit into anyone or anything to be happy.

Whether it is the affection, the intimacy, the “satisfaction”, or anything else that you found in this person that you doubt if you will find in anyone else, be hopeful that there will be better times ahead when you get yourself out of the rut, get yourself out of your head, and look ahead to what is next- the bigger picture, at your own pace. Be hopeful that what is good for you will be given to you, what you need, what is really valuable, as opposed to what you think you need/can’t do without.

Hope.jpg

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

2. Forgiveness: Forgive yourself. Forgive the other person. Whether you feel/think it was your fault that it ended or it was their fault, accept that everything went on exactly as it was designed to, to teach you the lessons that you need to learn. There was nothing you could have done to change the current outcome. If you slept with them, or felt that you were vulnerable/open/trusting with them (and it hurts your self-pride/ego, in a way, that you were), forgive yourself and forgive them. Free yourself. Don’t hold any resentment in. 

Forgiveness

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

3. Be Proud: A queen! A king! That is what you are, and I’m not saying it because everyone is a queen/king these days. It’s because it is true. Be proud of all that you were, you are, and will be. You are worthy of love and healing, and new, happy beginnings in life. There will only be one of you on this earth, be mindful of what you do to this one you- how you treat him/her, how you treat yourself.

be proud

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

4. Self-Love: Hold yourself. Be proud of yourself. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Hold yourself. Appreciate yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Embrace them all. When you love yourself, you will seek to improve yourself. Isn’t it?

Don’t love yourself for that person, so they would notice that you’re all good without them. You would be doing it all wrong. Improve yourself for you. Forget about them. Seek to know you, to be with you, to be comfortable and happy with you- with your own self.

self love2

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

5. Let Go:
“Will he come back?”
“Will she come back?”
“Will he/she apologize?”
“Will they break up?”
“Will he/she suffer too?”
Oh, no! Your spirit-guides are telling you to let go. If you are hesitant about letting go, because you’ve held on to the pain for a while and you don’t know what you are without it, give it to your guides. They will take care of it for you. Give your worries and desires and all your secret/open wishes to your helpers. Say a prayer about it. They will hold your hurt for you. They will take care of it, and heal it. They never let go.

You, however, need to let go, to let grow, to forgive/forget about all these things that are still holding you back, things that are still making you suffer. If you don’t let go, you will hurt yourself and your current/future relationships. “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die”- Malachy McCourt (1998).

let go

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

6. Nature: Have you ever taken a sit close to a sea or a river and just felt the serenity and peace? Rinsed your faced after bawling your eyes out, perhaps? Or spent time in a garden of flowers? Or spent time in a nice building with art? Or just stayed outdoors and watched people walk by? Instead of sitting at home, allowing yourself to be miserable, go out. Clear your head. Forget about meeting another person for now, especially if the separation is fresh. This is what people tend to do- look for a replacement very quickly, when a lot of issues need attention/healing. Retreat and find healing first. Now is the time for you, the time for your self-development, the time to go over what you have learnt, the time to enter into a new phase.

nature.jpg

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

7. Have Fun: Yes, I said take some time to be with yourself, to feel nature’s serenity and peace, but you also need to do something fun. You are not alone in this world, in both the spiritual/physical realm. If you have good friends/family members, you can rely on them at this time. However, be mindful of the kind of people that you spend time with, because they could either aid your movement to the right direction/choices or mar it. Cheer up!

have fun

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

8. Strength: I find strength in expressing myself through poetry when I experience confusing/intense feelings. Lately, I’ve been having this intense urge to learn how to draw/paint, although the last time I checked, I couldn’t draw a decent stick figure. Haha! You might find strength in the arts—writing, painting, singing, drawing—in designing, in researching, in whatever, in praying. Do more of these healthy/productive things that make you feel better. Drugs and alcohol will take you down a very dangerous path. You’ve already been through so much, don’t do worse things to yourself in your quest to help/calm yourself. The only way to stop thinking about something is to think about something else. Whether or not this person will return or do anything else should not be any of your business now. Discover your strengths, they help you stay strong in tough times.

Strength

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

I give free readings if you want one. If you need to find strength/confide in anyone, I am always here to listen and help. Think about these things that I have mentioned. Love, happiness, peace, and light!

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Thing 1 & 2

Osun (Giseli Magalhães)

Osun [Giseli Magalhães]

Thing 1 was not thirsty,
but I offered him a drink.
He drank till my cup was empty
and threw me in me to sink.

I struggled back to shore,
you can bet that I was sore,
but Thing 2 grabbed me by my finger,
and told me his intentions were pure.

The river of love is full again,
the river of love is me,
but Thing 2 is still famished,
’cause my cup was smashed at sea.

So tell me, ìyá mi ‘Kojú,
help me make my strength from you. 
How do you tell yourself that Thing 1
is everything but nothing like Thing 2?

The Lady and the Seer

PicMonkey Collage

A lady went to a seer to talk about the one she loved, whom she wasn’t with anymore. She said to the seer, “I miss him. I wonder if he misses me. I wonder if he’s coming back. I’m so depressed, I don’t know what to do with myself.”

The seer said “okay”, and looked away. Of course, that wasn’t a satisfactory response for the lady. 

She said “I miss him” and “I wonder if he’s coming back” again, hoping to get some sympathy, and maybe some insight into what the future held for her.

Then he replied, “I’m sure you do, I’m sure you wonder”.

“Well, do you have any advice for me?”, she said, after two minutes had passed, two heavy minutes that felt like 30.

“I don’t have any”, he said. “You choose to miss him, so allow yourself to miss him. Be true to yourself.” The he adds, “but ask yourself, how long are you going to do this for?”

She broke into tears, and he took a step back. 

“Who is in charge of you?” Who controls what happens up there?”, he asked, pointing to his head. 

“I do”, she replied.

“Who is in charge of your mind, your body, your self? Of course, missing him and letting yourself be miserable is what you’re choosing to do, what do you expect me to do, become you? Do you think I have any power over you? Do you think of yourself as a robot that has to be controlled by someone else to survive/function?”

She stopped crying and wiped her tears.

“If you want to choose to miss him, miss him. If you want to choose to be in denial, and wait for something that isn’t coming, wait. If you want to choose to move on and do something good with yourself, do it. It’s not my business or problem. You’re choosing to do something and asking me to help you stop. Ultimately, you get to choose whether or not you want to suffer, and if suffering is what you have chosen to do for this long, so be it. You’re a wonderful soul; don’t be so dense. Healing is a choice- choose it.”

You’re My Home

I breathe easier when I think of you.
I feel better when I talk to you.
I beam all day when I dream of you.
I find refuge and strength in you.

A Damn Mess

I was licking my wounds
but you stopped me.
You wanted to do it
so I let you.
You licked and sucked till
my wounds became scars.
Then, you cut me again
at the exact same spots.

So, here I am, a damn mess,
studying our synastry chart
for the 50th time,
fiddling with tarot cards,
tiredlessly hoping you’d come back.
I want your tongue and yours alone,
and I know that even if you return,
you would lick me up
so you can cut me again.

Wounded Healer III

Goddess of Forests

I’m shedding everyone’s tears
but I can’t shed my own.
I’ve got it all under control in public;
I’m a mess when I’m alone.
Pain has injected itself into me;
I can feel it bite through each bone.
I’m decaying on the inside,
but this body is not mine to disown.

My heart and soul are drowning,
and I can’t stretch my hands
to reach them through my throat.
They’ve absorbed too much;
they’re heavy,
but I can’t save them.
I can’t drain the tears and blood;
I can’t heal them.

So, I’ll shed my tears through my mouth.
I’ll cry with my hands and feet,
with my words,
and with my songs,
and with my dance,
till I feel my heartbeat.
I’ll shed my tears as sweat;
they can’t pass through my eyes just yet.

Ups and Downs

Time is like an abusive partner.

It breaks a person,
sometimes when they least expect,
but it helps them heal,

till it breaks them again.

Phoenix

Cry if you need to,
so you can laugh.
Bleed if you need to,
so you can heal.
Destroy if you need to,
so you can (re)build.
Let certain things die
if they need to,
so you can live.

Transform Your Pain for Healing

death_the_lovers_temperance_lg

When we die- when a strong change befalls us, it’s up to us [choice] to struggle to find balance again. When we choose light, we become a light ourselves.

Remove the cover;
let your pains escape.
Mold them into words and music;
anything you might be inspired to make.
Let their flow lead you to be river;
take as long as you need to take.
Be willing to swim, let go and heal;
be open to new changes in shape.
Don’t cover;
choose to recover
for your very own sake.

You’ll be surprised at how creative you can become when you are angry, in pain, when everything within you just hurts. The high level of joy that whatever you make/achieve will bring to you if you choose to heal through it, by not just ignoring the pain but by expressing it, is immense. Find relief, satisfaction and happiness in/through (not despite) your agony.

Death V: Death is a Caring Snob

jimoh-buraimoh-meeting-of-elders

Painted by Jimoh Buraimoh

Death is such a selective listener.
It heard you groan and cry in pain,
and it came over to take you away.
It chose to not hear my pleading,
my wails for it to let you stay,
as I asked God to grant you healing.