I’m a woman- a full man and more. A full man with a womb, with feelings and sensitivity and beauty. I’m a human being, not a product. Don’t describe me as “cheap”, “second hand”, “used and dumped”, or whatever you’re used to calling other human beings.
If I tell you I’ve been slept with by 10 men (since my virginity would make me seem more “expensive” than the other “options” that you have in your life, and you’d be more obsessed with pinning a new “star” to your ego than loving me), don’t look at me like that- like I’ve become too old and “unsuitable for purchase”.
When you told me you’ve slept with 15 women, although I didn’t ask, you expected me to be proud of you. To think of you as sexual and “capable”, to think of you as a real man. I’ve told you I’ve slept with 10 men. Think of me as real woman too. Be filled with admiration, why don’t you?
What is that? The truth is, feminism is so broad- there are a thousand kind of feminists- that two feminists may not necessarily fully agree on one thing.
When you come up with this kind of mess that bluntly says “dissociation from men”, you’re not really addressing the equality aspect of the cause. You’re not saying “I want to be equal to you and have the same opportunities that you have, dear men, because I’m a separate being too”.
Instead, you’re saying “I don’t want to have anything to do with you”. Women and men are separate entities but neither of the two sexes can survive or keep the earth alive without the other; that’s besides the point. The word “woman” isn’t equivalent to “half-man”; that is basically what the cause originally sought to emphasize.
Whether you call women “womyn” or “mynwo” or “wurjdhdggd” isn’t the point. We want to be separate entities that co-exist with men in a society that respects everyone equally, irrespective of their sex.
“Women” is one word. A “woman” is a “womb-man”. A separate entity; the other kind of man, not a subordinate. When you come up with this kind of sentimental mess, “womyn”, you’re messing everything up. You’re drifting far away from the cause. You’re not saying what you want.
Are “womyn” a better kind of women now or something?
If you blame your lack of discipline on your gender, like “I’m a man. I couldn’t control myself”, you are dehumanizing yourself and reinforcing the sick “facts” that the society teaches, that in the sight of an unclad or nearly-unclad woman, it is okay to juggle between being a man and a lower animal because it definitely means she’s asking you to touch her or stick a part of you into her, whether or not she does so verbally.
The interesting part, while we make a case for the clad and nearly-unclad, is that fully-clothed women get raped too. If you step out without a man at a certain hour of the night in certain parts of any country, with your burka, hijab, or an equivalent, you could still get molested. Girl-children and babies get molested too, raped by their own fathers in the most hideous of instances, so you wonder if it really has anything to do with the amount of clothing that a woman is expected to have on to be entitled to a certain level of respect and dignity as a human being.
A real man isn’t a man who can perform sexual acts when he is asked or permitted to. Any man can get an erection and do all kinds of things. An hour of pornography could get a man who doesn’t even what sex is “up and running”.
A real man is one who decides and disciplines himself not to do any of those things without express permission from the owner of the body or mind. It almost looks patronizing at this point, since a human is supposed to have a decent level of discipline. “I am only human”; you are only so, but being so should come with certain perks, like not being lower-animal-like. Stating so is a form of disrespect to our lower-animal counterparts themselves, since they traditionally engage in a series of acts before mating. Even these animals know how to woo their females or males and receive the equivalent of a “yes”.
The “express permission” should be the kind that could be, without reasonable doubt, held to be genuine before any sitting and before any group of people. A “yes” isn’t even a “yes” if the (wo)man is intoxicated. Even that “yes” cannot be defended to be genuine without reasonable doubt.
“ooooOOOh, we’re breathing hard. It must be love.”
Any man can skillfully undress you; it’s not that hard to do. You should be with a man who doesn’t only desire to hurriedly take your clothes off- a man who puts effort into helping you get dressed too.
You should be with a man who doesn’t only enjoy watching you get naked, but enjoys watching you get dressed just as much.
“You know he’s a Capricorn. They don’t really like to be vulnerable and they don’t have time for affection and love.”
I have a whole Saturn in my 1st house and that’s not true; it’s bullshit.
“He’s a melancholic. They usually don’t text back, so it’s okay if he ignores my texts for a week.”
“They are highly choleric in the family that he’s from. I made him angry so it’s okay if he punches me. To be honest, I deserve it, because he loves me. I can’t lose him now, where will I start from?”
“My grandmother’s aunty’s cousin’s husband’s sister’s nephew told me that some men menstruate. Maybe he’s menstruating at this time, he’s irritable, and he needs to vent his anger on me.”
For 6 months straight? Definitely, you are not okay.
“He is my rock and my pillar; he takes good care of me. He was not always like this and I know he will change. Maybe I am relaxing and I need to do better for him; I need to buy ‘sukura’ [an aphrodisiac] for us.”
Ha! Aunty mi, they’ve finally exchanged your common sense and destiny for a bowl of pap at Obalende. Won ti fi oko gba opolo lowo yin– you’re definitely dickmatized.
“If a man looks down on you, talks down to you, and scolds you, he loves you, he is protecting you, and he is doing what’s best for your growth. There are many girls that want to be where you are, and if he has chosen you, be grateful and do what’s right by him.”
Aunty mi, ewo oro enu yin gatagata bi eyín iya olobi. Olorun, won ti n ba mi seyin se [you are under spiritual attack].
Women who put other women down in order to become more appealing to men are the poorest kind of women. They haven’t mastered the art of autonomy, and they believe very strongly that a major part of their purpose for living, if not the main one, and worse still, the only one, is to please men.
It’s not uncommon for women to demean other women. I have seen, with my very own naked eyes, a woman oppressing another woman in an extremely distasteful way. A woman has a blood stain on her skirt and the “men” are laughing, so you laugh too. Men are speaking very indecently about a woman and sharing her privates with one another, and you contribute your own quota. It’s sick.
I had a brief chat with a friend a while ago, and we touched on women who don’t understand what original feminism is, and so they pride themselves on not being feminists/supporters of women’s rights as a quality to be adored by men, as if it makes them more “wife material” and better.
I have seen these types of women on blogs too. Whenever there are reports that a woman was raped, they ask “what was she wearing” questions. They never focus on rape and how it is always entirely the fault of the rapist for their lack of discipline in the sight of breasts and thighs, whether or not they were displayed to the public eye.
Sorry to disappoint you, darling, but your desire to very readily please men and see things as they would in all cases doesn’t make you any more attractive than you are as a woman. Since your focus is on pleasing men at all costs, I’ll give you this tip: Actual men, in my experience, tend to prefer women who know what they want, who have a decent degree of autonomy/independence, and who will respectfully question the indecencies that they suffer in the patriarchal societies that we live in, in the quest for the social, political and economic equality of the sexes. They find it impressive, sometimes even sexy, when a woman has a mind of her own.
I said “actual men” earlier, men among males, to avoid confusion.