It’s Still Rape/Abuse If You Enjoyed It

Bus Stop

“Bus Stop” by Larry “Kip” Hayes

Many men and women (who were probably first abused as children) find it difficult to agree that they were abused. They think “well, I enjoyed it; is it still abuse then?” Your little “peepee” was pulled or rubbed against your consent by an older person or your breasts/vagina were touched against your will, whether or not the abuser had sex with you, and you think it’s alright then. Actually, it’s not.

Don’t think- “well, it was just a little stimulation”; it was abuse, whether or not penetration was involved. I have spoken/had chats with a couple of men and women who were abused as children. Their innocence was taken away by older persons, usually, and they were convinced into thinking they were enjoying some sort of secret, pleasurable activity.

Forever-Friends----Larry-Kip-Hayes----Folk-art_art

“Forever Friends” by Larry “Kip” Hayes

In some cases, they believed the other person was helping them become an adult or become more mature. In a few of those cases, they had a crush on that older person at that time. Even if they wanted to report the issue or tell someone else at some point, the older person- the abuser- would convince them that they were going to be blamed instead, and so they would not.

Well, it’s still abuse if you enjoyed it. It’s still abuse if, as a child, you had said “yes” to being touched because you were naive and innocent, unaware that it was wrong and it would result in psychological trauma and regret. 

It’s still abuse, and you should never ignore that. Don’t tell yourself otherwise, so you can find healing, if need be.

Advertisements

I am Not a Savage

written-words-4-oil-on-paper-12-e1524982328435.jpg

Pretending not to have a soul
while desperately needing a soulmate.
Proudly stating that one is a savage,
and one does not have a heart,
while constantly feeling one’s heart ache.

Not being vulnerable is
what we consider honourable.

We become honourable,
yet not able,
not able to freely live,
not able to freely love.

We put ourselves in chains
because we don’t want to be slaves,
but by doing so,
we become slaves to ourselves.

It’s okay to address and discuss emotional issues, even if the events that now hurt you happened when you were two years old, and perhaps you tried to talk about it but you were told to shut your mouth. Proper healing is essential for good survival, because you deserve a good life. Even if you have two more weeks to live, do so with true peace in your mind. 

I recently had a conversation with my mum about an event that happened over a decade ago. “Mum, when I was like five, you flogged me for this and that reason, but this was what happened, if you’re ready to listen.” She did, and she apologized. Look, I am not a ‘savage’. I was hurting, and she needed to know, so that we could be true friends.

The thing about not addressing issues is, you might not just hurt yourself, you might hurt the people who love you, the people you love/will love in the future, consciously or unconsciously, in a bid to not get hurt again. Sometimes, you’ll get defensive when you don’t need to be.

Also, if you think you are going to hurt people by discussing the reason why you’re hurt then it’s necessary that you do so. “Dad, when I was three, this and this happened and you didn’t listen.” When you ‘destroy’ old structures built on lies, you’ll be surprised that they can be ‘rebuilt’ in 3 minutes when the foundation is placed on the truth. Maybe those old structures don’t even need to be rebuilt; maybe they need to be replaced with trees that give lots and lots of oxygen.

My point is, help yourself, or let someone else help you, if you’re hurting.

Give yourself closure.

Heal: You Are Beautiful

Were there terrible men and women in your lives,
relatives or non-relatives, at any point,
who found it pleasing to compare your beauty to someone else’s, 
in order to get to you and make you think less of yourself
or get you to agree to whatever perversion they wanted to try with you.

“You are fine but not as fine as your mother; why are you feeling yourself?
Remove your skirt, let me see your legs” and such.

I bring you healing. You are beautiful, and I’m not just trying to patronize you. Don’t ever let anyone determine what you think of yourself.