First, you love someone,
then you learn how to.
First, you love someone,
First, you love someone,
then you learn how to.
Don’t neglect the love of your life
for the Love of your life.
The love of your life should be
the reason you’re with him or her,
in the first place.
What is that? The truth is, feminism is so broad- there are a thousand kind of feminists- that two feminists may not necessarily fully agree on one thing.
When you come up with this kind of mess that bluntly says “dissociation from men”, you’re not really addressing the equality aspect of the cause. You’re not saying “I want to be equal to you and have the same opportunities that you have, dear men, because I’m a separate being too”.
Instead, you’re saying “I don’t want to have anything to do with you”. Women and men are separate entities but neither of the two sexes can survive or keep the earth alive without the other; that’s besides the point. The word “woman” isn’t equivalent to “half-man”; that is basically what the cause originally sought to emphasize.
Whether you call women “womyn” or “mynwo” or “wurjdhdggd” isn’t the point. We want to be separate entities that co-exist with men in a society that respects everyone equally, irrespective of their sex.
“Women” is one word. A “woman” is a “womb-man”. A separate entity; the other kind of man, not a subordinate. When you come up with this kind of sentimental mess, “womyn”, you’re messing everything up. You’re drifting far away from the cause. You’re not saying what you want.
Are “womyn” a better kind of women now or something?
This is what will happen if you do so, Nigerians- if you don’t exercise your democratic voting rights and elect one of the candidates in 2019:
Someone else or a group of elites will seize the power anyway. Someone has to run things and the military will very quickly take over. They would not need to assassinate anyone or seize power from any democratic leader; it’d be the easiest military takeover yet. It would not even be a coup d’état since they won’t be seizing power from any functioning government, or it will, if the state governors’ positions get dissolved/overthrown.
If the military doesn’t, if they decide to grab their popcorn and sippy cup and watch the events go by, it’s going to be a bloody mess, emphasis on the “bloody”.
An Ibibio man is now the new unelected president?
Over my dead body! Who put him there?
Let a Yoruba man be the new president.
You lie! A Hausa man or an Igbo woman would be more efficient.
Yen yen yen blah blah blah.
“People” will graduate from throwing chairs to knives; it’d be a distasteful sight.
Nigeria is a beautiful, sexy woman. If she decides not to choose who to sleep with, and she lies at the middle of the road for all to see, different riffraff would exert force and rape her. Even the US would be there in no time to suck on her oily breasts for free or next to nothing. The US likes rich, “presidentless” countries with large, oily breasts. It’d be a terrible, painful fuck fest, or gang bang, and no, it would not be fun. It sure as hell would not be fun.
So, assess all manifestos properly, do your own research on who the candidates really are, and prepare to vote.
Tade’s heart is broken into three pieces. It was split into two whole halves for a long time, but it was shattered last night, and there are three pieces now.
Tonight, he’ll meet a new woman, and in a few days, he’ll make passionate love to her. She’ll think he’s madly in love with her, but he wouldn’t really be, obviously. He is, and he would be, in love with someone else who has declared herself unavailable, and for a while, the new woman would become his true love’s clone.
Maggots and contaminated blood from an untreated, rotten wound in his heart, anger- fiery anger, and sweet-bitter desire would be the new recipe for his semen, for her new meal, and she would lick and suck and swallow in delight, without a slight clue on how or under what conditions it was prepared.
The good or not so good news, depending on what side you’re on, is that he will get better. Within 6-8 months, he’ll get over the old girl, and, unfortunately, the new girl. She would not be so new anymore. He would not be as vulnerable, and the wound would be fairly healed by that time, so he would change; he would become his true self again.
It would be time to search for a real replacement; he’ll be totally done with the “living sacrifice”. The not-so-new-anymore girl’s heart will be split into two halves when his behaviour changes, and of course, it’ll be shattered into three pieces when he announces that she is of no true use to him; she was, but not anymore.
If you blame your lack of discipline on your gender, like “I’m a man. I couldn’t control myself”, you are dehumanizing yourself and reinforcing the sick “facts” that the society teaches, that in the sight of an unclad or nearly-unclad woman, it is okay to juggle between being a man and a lower animal because it definitely means she’s asking you to touch her or stick a part of you into her, whether or not she does so verbally.
The interesting part, while we make a case for the clad and nearly-unclad, is that fully-clothed women get raped too. If you step out without a man at a certain hour of the night in certain parts of any country, with your burka, hijab, or an equivalent, you could still get molested. Girl-children and babies get molested too, raped by their own fathers in the most hideous of instances, so you wonder if it really has anything to do with the amount of clothing that a woman is expected to have on to be entitled to a certain level of respect and dignity as a human being.
A real man isn’t a man who can perform sexual acts when he is asked or permitted to. Any man can get an erection and do all kinds of things. An hour of pornography could get a man who doesn’t even what sex is “up and running”.
A real man is one who decides and disciplines himself not to do any of those things without express permission from the owner of the body or mind. It almost looks patronizing at this point, since a human is supposed to have a decent level of discipline. “I am only human”; you are only so, but being so should come with certain perks, like not being lower-animal-like. Stating so is a form of disrespect to our lower-animal counterparts themselves, since they traditionally engage in a series of acts before mating. Even these animals know how to woo their females or males and receive the equivalent of a “yes”.
The “express permission” should be the kind that could be, without reasonable doubt, held to be genuine before any sitting and before any group of people. A “yes” isn’t even a “yes” if the (wo)man is intoxicated. Even that “yes” cannot be defended to be genuine without reasonable doubt.
My Death’s Life:
Freedom made love to me
and it was surprisingly good,
even better than I had imagined,
so I did it again.
Again and again,
till my breasts and arms
and hips and thighs were sore.
Again and again,
I didn’t care ’cause I wanted more.
Again and again, and again,
three shots stopped being enough,
so I made it four.
Again and again and again, and again,
“I can’t do without this feeling;
it mustn’t walk out my door.”
We did it till I became paralyzed;
my thighs and trunk were stuck.
I was in complete and constant pain
from all the fruitless fuck.
Freedom didn’t untie me from the bed,
and it didn’t listen to a thing I said.
Freedom didn’t let me go;
temporary tallness didn’t let me grow.
Freedom is the strongest wind,
and no one can catch up with it.
When you think you have,
because it sheds its skin at that point,
and quickly becomes death.
Everyone wants to own freedom
but she doesn’t want to be owned.
Freedom likes to own
just as much as she likes to disown;
she makes you a king today,
and tomorrow, gets you dethroned.
In freedom, in complete “freedom”,
“dom”(ination) comes right after “free”.
She begins to dress up.
She wonders if,
as per her previous experience,
after he undresses her later that night,
he would begin to dress her down.
One is in a show glass;
the other is on the counter.
One tries not to be seen as cheap;
the other allows herself to be touched.
The ones in the show glass
think of themselves as more expensive;
some of them would even
look down on the ones out in the open.
The bigger question is,
why are they all treated like living commodities?
Pastors, imams, and other religious leaders, in Nigeria to be exact, must learn the importance of being non-partisan, to begin with. No pastor/imam should be telling you what their favourite political party is, and the side of the spectrum they tend to lean on, asking you to vote for them or anyone they recommend because God has chosen them, or telling you to use your democratic rights in a certain way.
It’d be interesting to see a thesis on politics in Nigeria and how much power and influence the religious leaders have on politics, although it’s very far from being a theocracy. Nigerians generally don’t take things that they are told in the name of religion with a grain of salt; we tend to not be skeptical when words that begin or end with “the Lord said” are said.
No pastor should tell you what to invest in, what to do with your time, money and body, who to buy foodstuff from, what kind of perfume to use because it’s the kind that they use, whenever they are on or off the pulpit. People shouldn’t state a piece of the Bible or Quran to manipulate you. What they should advise you to do is pray, or pray on your behalf, asking God to lead you to the right answer, and advising you to tap into your own inner intuition and clairvoyance abilities. You are a person of God too, whether or not you were ordained to lead in the affairs of the church, and God can ‘speak’ to you directly. When they however report that God told them certain things, you must be willing to separate the wheat from the tares and engage in critical thinking.
The mediums of any spirit are not a hundred percent infallible. Don’t be fooled or coaxed or scared into doing anything who wouldn’t very willingly do, left to you, in the name of whatever deity you trust your life with.
“ooooOOOh, we’re breathing hard. It must be love.”
Any man can skillfully undress you; it’s not that hard to do. You should be with a man who doesn’t only desire to hurriedly take your clothes off- a man who puts effort into helping you get dressed too.
You should be with a man who doesn’t only enjoy watching you get naked, but enjoys watching you get dressed just as much.
“You know he’s a Capricorn. They don’t really like to be vulnerable and they don’t have time for affection and love.”
I have a whole Saturn in my 1st house and that’s not true; it’s bullshit.
“He’s a melancholic. They usually don’t text back, so it’s okay if he ignores my texts for a week.”
“They are highly choleric in the family that he’s from. I made him angry so it’s okay if he punches me. To be honest, I deserve it, because he loves me. I can’t lose him now, where will I start from?”
“My grandmother’s aunty’s cousin’s husband’s sister’s nephew told me that some men menstruate. Maybe he’s menstruating at this time, he’s irritable, and he needs to vent his anger on me.”
For 6 months straight? Definitely, you are not okay.
“He is my rock and my pillar; he takes good care of me. He was not always like this and I know he will change. Maybe I am relaxing and I need to do better for him; I need to buy ‘sukura’ [an aphrodisiac] for us.”
Ha! Aunty mi, they’ve finally exchanged your common sense and destiny for a bowl of pap at Obalende. Won ti fi oko gba opolo lowo yin– you’re definitely dickmatized.
“If a man looks down on you, talks down to you, and scolds you, he loves you, he is protecting you, and he is doing what’s best for your growth. There are many girls that want to be where you are, and if he has chosen you, be grateful and do what’s right by him.”
Aunty mi, ewo oro enu yin gatagata bi eyín iya olobi. Olorun, won ti n ba mi seyin se [you are under spiritual attack].